Am I the only person that sits in the pew on Sunday morning and is so moved by scripture that I promise God that I will.........
be different
change this
be more like Him
do this more often
never do that
always do this
only to wake up Monday morning and forget all that was said, all that moved me, all that I promised......
James 1:22-24 (New International Version)
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.
I am so thankful that HIS goodness, HIS compassion, HIS love, HIS forgiveness is new every morning.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
PEACE AT LAST
Mary Susan Watkins
November 28, 1955 - April 18, 2009
She was pronounced dead at 8:13 pm by the EMSA tech. Truthfully, she began dying Friday evening when I dropped her off at her apartment.
She said she was weak. I said I know. We left her with her beloved Jackie and a 24 pack of Coke. I called on Saturday but she never answered.
I wish I had known that it would be our last good bye. I wish I had checked on her sooner.
Mary called me a couple of weeks ago and offered a heartfelt confession. Things I already suspected but wasn't certain of. What I didn't know was how much shame she felt. How she didn't want to face me, how she didn't feel worthy to go to church but knew that was were she needed to be.
We talked about how Jesus wanted her & loved her in spite of anything she did. I told her that I didn't care what she did I just cared about her.
That was the beginning of the end. Looking back, the two weeks that followed that confession were a gift for our family & Mary.
She was in church the next Sunday & the following Sunday which was Easter. The Saturday before Easter she spent the day at our house, mostly sleeping on the couch. She was having difficulty breathing & couldn't smoke much of her cigarettes. We took her to Ron's Hamburgers, a place we both love, and enjoyed a big ol' greasy burger. Sunday she had lunch with us but went home early because she didn't feel well.
The following Thursday I took her to the hospital. They kept her overnight then sent her home. The doctor said her heart was weak and she would benefit from staying in a nursing home & straightening out her medicines. At some point on Friday I told her that she must have 9 lives. Little did I know that she had used them all up.
The last thing I said to her was - Mary I love you. She responded I love you too.
When I found her on Saturday - the carton of coke was in the fridge unopened, Jackie was yelping loudly and Mary was gone.
November 28, 1955 - April 18, 2009
She was pronounced dead at 8:13 pm by the EMSA tech. Truthfully, she began dying Friday evening when I dropped her off at her apartment.
She said she was weak. I said I know. We left her with her beloved Jackie and a 24 pack of Coke. I called on Saturday but she never answered.
I wish I had known that it would be our last good bye. I wish I had checked on her sooner.
Mary called me a couple of weeks ago and offered a heartfelt confession. Things I already suspected but wasn't certain of. What I didn't know was how much shame she felt. How she didn't want to face me, how she didn't feel worthy to go to church but knew that was were she needed to be.
We talked about how Jesus wanted her & loved her in spite of anything she did. I told her that I didn't care what she did I just cared about her.
That was the beginning of the end. Looking back, the two weeks that followed that confession were a gift for our family & Mary.
She was in church the next Sunday & the following Sunday which was Easter. The Saturday before Easter she spent the day at our house, mostly sleeping on the couch. She was having difficulty breathing & couldn't smoke much of her cigarettes. We took her to Ron's Hamburgers, a place we both love, and enjoyed a big ol' greasy burger. Sunday she had lunch with us but went home early because she didn't feel well.
The following Thursday I took her to the hospital. They kept her overnight then sent her home. The doctor said her heart was weak and she would benefit from staying in a nursing home & straightening out her medicines. At some point on Friday I told her that she must have 9 lives. Little did I know that she had used them all up.
The last thing I said to her was - Mary I love you. She responded I love you too.
When I found her on Saturday - the carton of coke was in the fridge unopened, Jackie was yelping loudly and Mary was gone.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
To blog-icide or not to blog-icide
I've been feeling very non-bloggish lately. Not sure why, I certainly have things to say. It's just that the words don't come easily and I've begun to wonder if I'm really cut out for blogging.
I thought that blog-icide would be the easy way out - you just stop writing and it all goes away. But the problem is, it doesn't really go away. It stays forever. Hanging around in cyberland. A wallflower of a blog. Unattended. Unloved.
Then it starts calling you back. The guilt begins and you start to think, maybe I shoud blog about that or that. Maybe it is worth writing about.
Time will tell.
I thought that blog-icide would be the easy way out - you just stop writing and it all goes away. But the problem is, it doesn't really go away. It stays forever. Hanging around in cyberland. A wallflower of a blog. Unattended. Unloved.
Then it starts calling you back. The guilt begins and you start to think, maybe I shoud blog about that or that. Maybe it is worth writing about.
Time will tell.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Nicholas Edmond
First name Nicholas - victories people
Middle name Edmond - wealthy defender
In biblical days a child was given a name that was descriptive of them.....
Isaac - he laughs
Leah - weary, I've also heard weak eyed. She was both.
Esau - hairy
Jacob - holder of the heel
I don't know if they named their babies at birth or waited until they were older & certain characteristics or personalities were more apparent or if it a self fulfilling prophesy given at birth. But whatever it was, the names had meaning & the person attached to them usually carried the burden or the blessing of that name.
Today, a name is all about being unique. And you have to wonder what the parent of Apple had planned. The parents of 4Real made it clear why they named their child that because seeing the sonigram for the first time & then holding him made it "4Real". 4really! once they get the approval to name a child with a number that will be his name.
As a new parent you can't help but imagine what your child will be when he/she grows up & uses their name in their adult life. What did the parents of these adults think their baby would grow up to be - George W, Moonbeam, Sharla Kitten, Obama Huissein?
And what did the parent's of Nicholas Edmond think that he would grow up to be?
I've been fascinated with this idea ever since I learned his name. Because, if names can sound a certain way, his sounds strong to me. It sound old school, like it should be on an old fashioned door with a frosted glass window & black letters...
Nicholas Edmond, esq
Nicholas Edmond Atty at Law
Maybe a handsome actor.
A politician.
A plumber.
I am pretty sure that his parents never imagined that he would be what he is.....
homeless
mentally ill from years of sexual abuse & who knows what else
writer of many prayers
soft spoken
lonely
cold
hurting
Since I met him I have had this one thought and that is "this is someone's child - does she know where he is, does she know how desperately he needs to be loved, does she even care".
I care, but I don't know how to help him.
Middle name Edmond - wealthy defender
In biblical days a child was given a name that was descriptive of them.....
Isaac - he laughs
Leah - weary, I've also heard weak eyed. She was both.
Esau - hairy
Jacob - holder of the heel
I don't know if they named their babies at birth or waited until they were older & certain characteristics or personalities were more apparent or if it a self fulfilling prophesy given at birth. But whatever it was, the names had meaning & the person attached to them usually carried the burden or the blessing of that name.
Today, a name is all about being unique. And you have to wonder what the parent of Apple had planned. The parents of 4Real made it clear why they named their child that because seeing the sonigram for the first time & then holding him made it "4Real". 4really! once they get the approval to name a child with a number that will be his name.
As a new parent you can't help but imagine what your child will be when he/she grows up & uses their name in their adult life. What did the parents of these adults think their baby would grow up to be - George W, Moonbeam, Sharla Kitten, Obama Huissein?
And what did the parent's of Nicholas Edmond think that he would grow up to be?
I've been fascinated with this idea ever since I learned his name. Because, if names can sound a certain way, his sounds strong to me. It sound old school, like it should be on an old fashioned door with a frosted glass window & black letters...
Nicholas Edmond, esq
Nicholas Edmond Atty at Law
Maybe a handsome actor.
A politician.
A plumber.
I am pretty sure that his parents never imagined that he would be what he is.....
homeless
mentally ill from years of sexual abuse & who knows what else
writer of many prayers
soft spoken
lonely
cold
hurting
Since I met him I have had this one thought and that is "this is someone's child - does she know where he is, does she know how desperately he needs to be loved, does she even care".
I care, but I don't know how to help him.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
What would you do?
You see them all the time. Standing on corners at intersections, squating on the ground, leaning up against buildings, asking for handouts, holding signs that say need food, will work for food, or more honestly - need a drink.
Sometimes I help, sometimes I don't. Not sure what the criteria is that helps me determine who to help & who to pass by. But after a quick assesment, which usually involves a tugging in my heart, I will either help or pass on by.
A couple of Saturday's ago was no different.
I went to McDonald's to pick up something for David & his Dad. It was supposed to be a quick trip there & back. But traffic was heavy & the drive thru really busy. As I waited my turn in line there was a young man, dirty and tired looking, leaning up against the wall. He wore a cap, sandles and had a blanket tied around his shoulders. His sleeping bag was rolled up neatly next to him and all his belongings were in a bag that was tucked protectively under his arm. In his hands he was holding a piece of card board that simply said "need food".
I took all of this in, while trying desperately NOT to make eye contact. That's always the worst thing about these situations. Don't make eye contact until you have made up your mind what you are going to do.
I searched in my purse and the most I could come up with was a couple of quarters, a dime and a few pennies. It wouldn't buy him a cup of cofee at Quick Trip much less a hamburger. Thankfully the cars in front of me began to move and he was soon out of my sight. But not out of my thoughts. Oh how I hate that. What to do, what to do.
I decided the most logical thing was to buy him something to eat. So I circled back around and pulled over & asked if he wanted something to eat. He said he had just had something so I gave him the change and I really meant to drive off. But he looked so pitiful and so cold sitting there with that vacant look that I just wanted to do so much more for him but at the same time knowing full well that there really was very little that I could do for him. So I asked him if he needed anything else. He thought for a minute than said "you know it is really cold and what I could use is some warm pants". "OK, I can do that!! I'll just run home & drop these McChickens off & I'll get you some warm pants & be right back." But then he surprised me and asked if he could go along. We'll OK I said.
It became apparent after talking to him for a few minutes that he was probably mentally ill. Don't know if he had always been that way or if drugs had created it. But it didn't matter. He was from Nevada, but hadn't lived there in a long time. He needed a job but didn't have an ID.
I took him to look at clothes but he didn't find anything that would work for him. When we dropped him off I tried to talk him into going to a shelter but he said those don't really work for him. We gave him some money and I gave him my phone number & left him at the McDonalds
The next Friday evening the phone rings and it's him. He says he's lost his sleeping bag and it's cold could we maybe help him a little. We remember David has an old coat in the closet so we grab that on our way out to Walmart to buy a sleeping bag.
We meet him at the designated spot & he is cleaned up from the first time I met him. He is now wearing blue sweat pants that are several sizes too small. He seems appreciative. We try again to get him to go to a shelter but he can't bear to do that.
There is so little that you can do for someone like him. Trying to help with his most basic needs just doesn't seem to be enough. But that is because I'm imposing my basic needs on to him. In my world, basic needs include the security of knowing that what I have today will be there tomorrow. In his world, basic needs are whatever he needs at that moment - a sleeping bag, a warm coat. The security of knowing that he will have those things when he wakes up is as foreign to him as living on the streets is to me.
I wish I could do more.
Sometimes I help, sometimes I don't. Not sure what the criteria is that helps me determine who to help & who to pass by. But after a quick assesment, which usually involves a tugging in my heart, I will either help or pass on by.
A couple of Saturday's ago was no different.
I went to McDonald's to pick up something for David & his Dad. It was supposed to be a quick trip there & back. But traffic was heavy & the drive thru really busy. As I waited my turn in line there was a young man, dirty and tired looking, leaning up against the wall. He wore a cap, sandles and had a blanket tied around his shoulders. His sleeping bag was rolled up neatly next to him and all his belongings were in a bag that was tucked protectively under his arm. In his hands he was holding a piece of card board that simply said "need food".
I took all of this in, while trying desperately NOT to make eye contact. That's always the worst thing about these situations. Don't make eye contact until you have made up your mind what you are going to do.
I searched in my purse and the most I could come up with was a couple of quarters, a dime and a few pennies. It wouldn't buy him a cup of cofee at Quick Trip much less a hamburger. Thankfully the cars in front of me began to move and he was soon out of my sight. But not out of my thoughts. Oh how I hate that. What to do, what to do.
I decided the most logical thing was to buy him something to eat. So I circled back around and pulled over & asked if he wanted something to eat. He said he had just had something so I gave him the change and I really meant to drive off. But he looked so pitiful and so cold sitting there with that vacant look that I just wanted to do so much more for him but at the same time knowing full well that there really was very little that I could do for him. So I asked him if he needed anything else. He thought for a minute than said "you know it is really cold and what I could use is some warm pants". "OK, I can do that!! I'll just run home & drop these McChickens off & I'll get you some warm pants & be right back." But then he surprised me and asked if he could go along. We'll OK I said.
It became apparent after talking to him for a few minutes that he was probably mentally ill. Don't know if he had always been that way or if drugs had created it. But it didn't matter. He was from Nevada, but hadn't lived there in a long time. He needed a job but didn't have an ID.
I took him to look at clothes but he didn't find anything that would work for him. When we dropped him off I tried to talk him into going to a shelter but he said those don't really work for him. We gave him some money and I gave him my phone number & left him at the McDonalds
The next Friday evening the phone rings and it's him. He says he's lost his sleeping bag and it's cold could we maybe help him a little. We remember David has an old coat in the closet so we grab that on our way out to Walmart to buy a sleeping bag.
We meet him at the designated spot & he is cleaned up from the first time I met him. He is now wearing blue sweat pants that are several sizes too small. He seems appreciative. We try again to get him to go to a shelter but he can't bear to do that.
There is so little that you can do for someone like him. Trying to help with his most basic needs just doesn't seem to be enough. But that is because I'm imposing my basic needs on to him. In my world, basic needs include the security of knowing that what I have today will be there tomorrow. In his world, basic needs are whatever he needs at that moment - a sleeping bag, a warm coat. The security of knowing that he will have those things when he wakes up is as foreign to him as living on the streets is to me.
I wish I could do more.
Monday, November 17, 2008
I'll do anything to win something
I came across this site Musings of a Housewife while I was stalking this blog A Mom's Life
This blog A Mom's Life referred to this The Housewife's Holiday Gift Guide.
If I mention The Housewife's Holiday Gift Guide on my blog I could win some really cool prizes.
The Housewife has done a really neat job of creating the Gift Guide. It's not your usual Toys R Us and Target type gifts. She has some really cute and unique items.
So you just need to check it out here.
This blog A Mom's Life referred to this The Housewife's Holiday Gift Guide.
If I mention The Housewife's Holiday Gift Guide on my blog I could win some really cool prizes.
The Housewife has done a really neat job of creating the Gift Guide. It's not your usual Toys R Us and Target type gifts. She has some really cute and unique items.
So you just need to check it out here.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I've been really bugged about something since the elections have been over.......
Why is it that so many Christians were willing to give their vote to Obama?
They had to know that he doesn't uphold the same values, that they do.
They had to know that his thoughts on America were different than theirs.
Aren't they afraid that when the dust settles & his "share the wealth" comes to fruition it will probably mean that they are wealthy?
Don't they realize that when this courting period is over, what this man is really made of will reveal itself. And it may not be the handsome debonair man who has touted "It's about time, It's about Change."
Then this thought struck me. It's way out there but stick with me..............
It's just like Christians dating non-Christians. We always think it's OK.
The good in me will over come this one little flaw.
I'll be able to win him/her over.
It's not as bad as it seems at first.
After you talk to them and really get to know them you'll understand that they are more like you.
or maybe it's just........
that he/she is just so darn cute, sexy, wealthy, powerful. You fill in the blank.
Bottom line is........
we have formed an alliance that may or may not be for the good of the country. And closer to home - for the good of each one of us.
But not to leave on a discouraging note.
Since I hold fast to scripture and trust in the Word of God I have to believe that Romans 13 1-7 trumps any mistake that I feel has been made by the people of this great nation. And as much as it pains me to say it - "God is in control and I will submit to any authority that has been established by HIM.
So let's just hope that........
The good in us will over come this one little flaw
We'll be able to win him over.
It's not as bad as it seems.
After we really get to know him we'll understand that he is more like us than we originally thought.
And if all else fails - It's not like it has to last an eternity.
Why is it that so many Christians were willing to give their vote to Obama?
They had to know that he doesn't uphold the same values, that they do.
They had to know that his thoughts on America were different than theirs.
Aren't they afraid that when the dust settles & his "share the wealth" comes to fruition it will probably mean that they are wealthy?
Don't they realize that when this courting period is over, what this man is really made of will reveal itself. And it may not be the handsome debonair man who has touted "It's about time, It's about Change."
Then this thought struck me. It's way out there but stick with me..............
It's just like Christians dating non-Christians. We always think it's OK.
The good in me will over come this one little flaw.
I'll be able to win him/her over.
It's not as bad as it seems at first.
After you talk to them and really get to know them you'll understand that they are more like you.
or maybe it's just........
that he/she is just so darn cute, sexy, wealthy, powerful. You fill in the blank.
Bottom line is........
we have formed an alliance that may or may not be for the good of the country. And closer to home - for the good of each one of us.
But not to leave on a discouraging note.
Since I hold fast to scripture and trust in the Word of God I have to believe that Romans 13 1-7 trumps any mistake that I feel has been made by the people of this great nation. And as much as it pains me to say it - "God is in control and I will submit to any authority that has been established by HIM.
So let's just hope that........
The good in us will over come this one little flaw
We'll be able to win him over.
It's not as bad as it seems.
After we really get to know him we'll understand that he is more like us than we originally thought.
And if all else fails - It's not like it has to last an eternity.
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