All these years I've been looking to Jesus as my example. I've tried to be like him, I've prayed to be like him, I've practiced being like him and every day I've failed to be like him. I can get close, some days I think I do a pretty good job. But most days I just don't measure up. I'm never patient enough or kind enough or good enough or loving enough.
I'm in a bible study with a group of ladies. We are studing a book called Empowering the Ordinary. I am amazed to learn that all the miracles Jesus performed, all the love that he showered on people, all the wisdom he bestowed on ordinary men, all the suffering he endured on the cross is not the example that we should follow. The example is that he totally & completely relied on the Holy Spirit & His Father for guidence. He could only do what His Father does. (Jn 5:19). His joy came through the Holy Spirit (Luke 10:21). He was full of the Holy Spirit (Luke 4:1) His Father was the one that glorified him. (Jn 8:54) He learned everything from His father (Jn 15:15)
So like Him, we are to be filled with the Holy Spirit (Ep 5:18). Our joy comes from the Spirit (1 Thes. 1:6), our peace comes from the Spirit (John 14:26). Our comfort comes from the Spirit(Acts 9:13). Our Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self control, gentleness, faithfulness, they all come from the Spirit. I've always known that. But somewhere along the way I just got it all wrong and have tried too hard and too long to be a perfect version of myself, meeting all the requirements, crossing all the T's and dotting all the I's of righteous Christianity. Never realizing that Jesus came to earth to be just like me so that I could see the work of the Holy Spirit in an ordinary man. So our example isn't to be like a perfect man but to be like an ordinary man empowered by the perfect Holy Spirit.
God expects me to be full of Him just as Jesus was. How freeing is that. I don't have to be perfect, or loving or joyful. I just have to be full of the Spirit and all these things will be mine.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
My Friend & some things she has taught me
I took a friend to visit her father the other day. At first glance you would think that we are an unlikely pair to be friends. But I geniunely like her and I think she likes me.
Our relationship began because I thought I had something to offer her. But mostly I don't, except a ride now and then and a good ear. But she is teaching me a lot about life.
Like,
there really are mothers who sell their little girls to men so they can buy some drugs. and then, when the children are taken away or she's put in jail the mother blames the little girl. And the little girl believes her.
brothers can hate so much that they can violate others in ways that we don't even want to think about.
sisters can hate even more, just by refusing to acknowledge that you even exist.
you can hate yourself so much that you don't care if you live or die. it doesn't matter if you live in filth or sleep under a bridge. it doesn't matter if you steal from your father or even yourself. what matters is finding the next high.
I've learned that people like that, sell food that has been given to them, probably 5 minutes after they walked out your door. they take things from the donation bin down the street and sell it. they sell their clothes, their shoes, their dogs, their bodies.
I've also learned that if someone is your friend they will protect you, help you and even loan you a $20.00 when it's really all they've got. some friends will even stop selling you drugs because they know that the next one will kill you. well, actually they just don't want to be the one to kill you but they like you enough to tell you.
And I've learned that there is a forgiveness that goes beyond anything I've ever experienced. I haven't experienced it because I haven't been willing to forgive so deeply. it starts with yourself. You forgive yourself for all the wrongs you've commited against yourself. You forgive all the people that have hurt you - but you don't forget. and then you thank Jesus for every good thing he has given you. even when, by the worlds standards, its really doesn't amount to anything.
I've learned that I can trust her to get me around town & even out of town. she says when you're desperate for drugs you have to know your way around the city.
I've learned that a father can love a child unconditionally but sometimes the hurt and pain is so deep and so old that you just can't go back to the way things used to be.
I've learned that a paranoid schiziphrenic (mild of course) can trust some people and I never want to let her down.
I have to wonder though, what does it say about you when a "crazy person" says "You are making me crazy"
Our relationship began because I thought I had something to offer her. But mostly I don't, except a ride now and then and a good ear. But she is teaching me a lot about life.
Like,
there really are mothers who sell their little girls to men so they can buy some drugs. and then, when the children are taken away or she's put in jail the mother blames the little girl. And the little girl believes her.
brothers can hate so much that they can violate others in ways that we don't even want to think about.
sisters can hate even more, just by refusing to acknowledge that you even exist.
you can hate yourself so much that you don't care if you live or die. it doesn't matter if you live in filth or sleep under a bridge. it doesn't matter if you steal from your father or even yourself. what matters is finding the next high.
I've learned that people like that, sell food that has been given to them, probably 5 minutes after they walked out your door. they take things from the donation bin down the street and sell it. they sell their clothes, their shoes, their dogs, their bodies.
I've also learned that if someone is your friend they will protect you, help you and even loan you a $20.00 when it's really all they've got. some friends will even stop selling you drugs because they know that the next one will kill you. well, actually they just don't want to be the one to kill you but they like you enough to tell you.
And I've learned that there is a forgiveness that goes beyond anything I've ever experienced. I haven't experienced it because I haven't been willing to forgive so deeply. it starts with yourself. You forgive yourself for all the wrongs you've commited against yourself. You forgive all the people that have hurt you - but you don't forget. and then you thank Jesus for every good thing he has given you. even when, by the worlds standards, its really doesn't amount to anything.
I've learned that I can trust her to get me around town & even out of town. she says when you're desperate for drugs you have to know your way around the city.
I've learned that a father can love a child unconditionally but sometimes the hurt and pain is so deep and so old that you just can't go back to the way things used to be.
I've learned that a paranoid schiziphrenic (mild of course) can trust some people and I never want to let her down.
I have to wonder though, what does it say about you when a "crazy person" says "You are making me crazy"
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