Do you ever feel as though your heart is over flowing...............
Not with joy but with tears.
Tears for someone else, someone that has been hurt by someone they love, someone that has hurt someone they love. The kind of hurt that can't be fixed with an apology, won't be fixed over night.
Sad, bruised, heavy, overwhelmed with grief. That's how my heart feels today. I don't condeem the one that has done wrong nor blame the one that has been hurt for their anger. I just grieve for them. And how much more does God grieve for them.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Hope among us
I spent part of yesterday afternoon in a different world, I've been there before. It's less than 5 miles from my safe and comfortable home and it's maybe a quarter of a mile from where I go to church.
In the past I've witnessed drug deals, seen filth at a level beyond belief and watched apathy eat a person alive. But yesterday I saw hope. Not that the filth and apathy were gone but that hope lived among it.
Hope in the shape of children. Hope in the sparkle of their eyes and Hope in the excitement in their voice.
A group of us took some children's books over to The Cove. We had planned to have a story time with Ms. Suzanne and give each child a few books, eat cookies and just have some fun. But the flyers didn't get posted and the beautiful weather we had just a day before was long gone...........
It didn't matter. As soon as R saw us she ran over excitedly. She became our one man PR comittee. She knew the kids that were home and we went to each ones door explaining what we were doing.
Where I saw poverty and single moms leary of strangers that appear at their door, R saw opportunity and excitement. Where I saw the devastation of drug use in a burned up section of the complex R saw her home and didn't notice the rest. Where I saw a filthy mattress left on the ground near the dumpster R saw a play ground and happily jumped on it.
But then I saw it. The sparkle in their eyes and laughter in their voice, hope in their hearts.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11
In the past I've witnessed drug deals, seen filth at a level beyond belief and watched apathy eat a person alive. But yesterday I saw hope. Not that the filth and apathy were gone but that hope lived among it.
Hope in the shape of children. Hope in the sparkle of their eyes and Hope in the excitement in their voice.
A group of us took some children's books over to The Cove. We had planned to have a story time with Ms. Suzanne and give each child a few books, eat cookies and just have some fun. But the flyers didn't get posted and the beautiful weather we had just a day before was long gone...........
It didn't matter. As soon as R saw us she ran over excitedly. She became our one man PR comittee. She knew the kids that were home and we went to each ones door explaining what we were doing.
Where I saw poverty and single moms leary of strangers that appear at their door, R saw opportunity and excitement. Where I saw the devastation of drug use in a burned up section of the complex R saw her home and didn't notice the rest. Where I saw a filthy mattress left on the ground near the dumpster R saw a play ground and happily jumped on it.
But then I saw it. The sparkle in their eyes and laughter in their voice, hope in their hearts.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Thank Goodness for HIS Goodness
Am I the only person that sits in the pew on Sunday morning and is so moved by scripture that I promise God that I will.........
be different
change this
be more like Him
do this more often
never do that
always do this
only to wake up Monday morning and forget all that was said, all that moved me, all that I promised......
James 1:22-24 (New International Version)
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.
I am so thankful that HIS goodness, HIS compassion, HIS love, HIS forgiveness is new every morning.
be different
change this
be more like Him
do this more often
never do that
always do this
only to wake up Monday morning and forget all that was said, all that moved me, all that I promised......
James 1:22-24 (New International Version)
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.
I am so thankful that HIS goodness, HIS compassion, HIS love, HIS forgiveness is new every morning.
Monday, April 20, 2009
PEACE AT LAST
Mary Susan Watkins
November 28, 1955 - April 18, 2009
She was pronounced dead at 8:13 pm by the EMSA tech. Truthfully, she began dying Friday evening when I dropped her off at her apartment.
She said she was weak. I said I know. We left her with her beloved Jackie and a 24 pack of Coke. I called on Saturday but she never answered.
I wish I had known that it would be our last good bye. I wish I had checked on her sooner.
Mary called me a couple of weeks ago and offered a heartfelt confession. Things I already suspected but wasn't certain of. What I didn't know was how much shame she felt. How she didn't want to face me, how she didn't feel worthy to go to church but knew that was were she needed to be.
We talked about how Jesus wanted her & loved her in spite of anything she did. I told her that I didn't care what she did I just cared about her.
That was the beginning of the end. Looking back, the two weeks that followed that confession were a gift for our family & Mary.
She was in church the next Sunday & the following Sunday which was Easter. The Saturday before Easter she spent the day at our house, mostly sleeping on the couch. She was having difficulty breathing & couldn't smoke much of her cigarettes. We took her to Ron's Hamburgers, a place we both love, and enjoyed a big ol' greasy burger. Sunday she had lunch with us but went home early because she didn't feel well.
The following Thursday I took her to the hospital. They kept her overnight then sent her home. The doctor said her heart was weak and she would benefit from staying in a nursing home & straightening out her medicines. At some point on Friday I told her that she must have 9 lives. Little did I know that she had used them all up.
The last thing I said to her was - Mary I love you. She responded I love you too.
When I found her on Saturday - the carton of coke was in the fridge unopened, Jackie was yelping loudly and Mary was gone.
November 28, 1955 - April 18, 2009
She was pronounced dead at 8:13 pm by the EMSA tech. Truthfully, she began dying Friday evening when I dropped her off at her apartment.
She said she was weak. I said I know. We left her with her beloved Jackie and a 24 pack of Coke. I called on Saturday but she never answered.
I wish I had known that it would be our last good bye. I wish I had checked on her sooner.
Mary called me a couple of weeks ago and offered a heartfelt confession. Things I already suspected but wasn't certain of. What I didn't know was how much shame she felt. How she didn't want to face me, how she didn't feel worthy to go to church but knew that was were she needed to be.
We talked about how Jesus wanted her & loved her in spite of anything she did. I told her that I didn't care what she did I just cared about her.
That was the beginning of the end. Looking back, the two weeks that followed that confession were a gift for our family & Mary.
She was in church the next Sunday & the following Sunday which was Easter. The Saturday before Easter she spent the day at our house, mostly sleeping on the couch. She was having difficulty breathing & couldn't smoke much of her cigarettes. We took her to Ron's Hamburgers, a place we both love, and enjoyed a big ol' greasy burger. Sunday she had lunch with us but went home early because she didn't feel well.
The following Thursday I took her to the hospital. They kept her overnight then sent her home. The doctor said her heart was weak and she would benefit from staying in a nursing home & straightening out her medicines. At some point on Friday I told her that she must have 9 lives. Little did I know that she had used them all up.
The last thing I said to her was - Mary I love you. She responded I love you too.
When I found her on Saturday - the carton of coke was in the fridge unopened, Jackie was yelping loudly and Mary was gone.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
To blog-icide or not to blog-icide
I've been feeling very non-bloggish lately. Not sure why, I certainly have things to say. It's just that the words don't come easily and I've begun to wonder if I'm really cut out for blogging.
I thought that blog-icide would be the easy way out - you just stop writing and it all goes away. But the problem is, it doesn't really go away. It stays forever. Hanging around in cyberland. A wallflower of a blog. Unattended. Unloved.
Then it starts calling you back. The guilt begins and you start to think, maybe I shoud blog about that or that. Maybe it is worth writing about.
Time will tell.
I thought that blog-icide would be the easy way out - you just stop writing and it all goes away. But the problem is, it doesn't really go away. It stays forever. Hanging around in cyberland. A wallflower of a blog. Unattended. Unloved.
Then it starts calling you back. The guilt begins and you start to think, maybe I shoud blog about that or that. Maybe it is worth writing about.
Time will tell.
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